The Eternal Ramblings of a Conflicting Mind

Running forth in mindless hither How much more can the heart bear The sound of leaves rustling in the breeze Reminds us of the footsteps of autumn Yellow is the road Towards the sunshine Come closer For those of the weary The scent of the rising morn Gives colour to the break Dark is my thought With malencholy And growing haste To sense the path of the traveller I head But do not hear The tears and cries Of the unknown lover

念妳, 我的宝贝. 卷妳, 我的心碎. 想妳, 我的绝对. 恋妳, 我的无悔. 疼妳, 让我感觉. 顾妳, 让我欣慰. 怜妳, 让我喜悦. 爱妳, 让我忘却... 29 Aug 2006, Tuesday, 11.00 PM Flight from HK to SG

A likes B, but B likes C. C isn't sure she likes B, bcos her sights are set on D, and D happens to be a player, who honestly doesn't give hoot. Sounds familar? This is how life is. You DO NOT have control. Learn to live with it. I try everyday. Doesn't quite work all the time, but I try nevertheless. What makes a man? (Or rather, what makes a woman...) One that thinks and acts? Or one that thinks too much, tries hard to act, but never got anywhere... It's all the same. That is how life is... how life will always be. It is such a lovely thing to know that despite all the good riddance to bad rubbish, that will always be moments of joy. Immense and total joy. Those that remind us why it is so good to be alive. Then, there are also times that are bad.... those that are around to tell us to treasure and remember those times of good. Cliche? You bet ...

Always suspected myself to be a self-centred individual. Never quite gotten round to getting it proven. I profess to be a good and loyal friend to most people, and I mean to be one who gives help whenever help is needed of me. But still, I can't help but wonder ... I have a family who says they love me unreservedly. But are they really what they seem? Sometimes I feel that their love is never really unconditional. There will always be a tug-of-war of sorts to trade their love for my attention. And sometimes, i feel like my mother wants to own me downright. Why can life be simpler? With less strings attached? Lately, my friends have been complaining about me. That I've been neglecting them. That I'm too preoccuppied by other friends. There is a certain truth in it, though. The reason is more likely because I've began to feel a sense of release and freedom, when I am not tied to any camp of people. Friends are precious and few. And it's never easy to tell them that, ...

It feels good ... Been like that for the past few days. It's been a long time since I've felt this much appreciated at work. It gives meaning to staying up late, giving up sleep to get things done. Most importantly, it gives me the strength to feel self-assured and confident about myself. Sometimes, there are moments where you really cannot tell where life is going to lead you. I never thought I'd manage to get to where I am now. 10 years of trudging through the unknown, and viola! I suddenly found my place ... and my passion. Give me hope too. To know that despite the lows in the past, I have experienced and grown. And that although things as well as I had hoped in my own private life, I can come back to the security of my career. It's a bit sad to think that I don't have anyone I love to share this success with, but I think I can live with that ... with a little encouragement from myself, of course.

It's amazing how events unfold in life. There are times when i fear i will loose my sanity (not that I have much of it in the first place). I look with wonder at the strength and frailty of human relationships and i cannot hlep but feel that perhaps I am not really ready to face the world. It is such melancholic meanderings of the mind that remind me of being alive. That I am human, and capable of love and affection. However, it is also with dread and fear that I find myself feeling for another human being more than I can bear. I had thought myself to be self-centered and utterly obnoxious. Is it even possible for me to fall this deep and with such mindless self-deprecation? I cannot phantom the outcome of this folly. It is beyond my control ... How else shall I remind myself that I am alive? How else can I comprehend such fool-hardiness? It is beyond my control ...

It can be unrequited It can be mutual It might bring pain It might bring joy It makes you wanna throw your hands up in the air and give up It makes you secretly yearn for the impossible and the unlikely Attrachtion does not speak of reason. Attraction moves around, as if silence is the cover for the night Closing on the one drinking in the darkness An illusive and unpredictable entity…