Beyond my control

It's amazing how events unfold in life. There are times when i fear i will loose my sanity (not that I have much of it in the first place).

I look with wonder at the strength and frailty of human relationships and i cannot hlep but feel that perhaps I am not really ready to face the world.

It is such melancholic meanderings of the mind that remind me of being alive. That I am human, and capable of love and affection. However, it is also with dread and fear that I find myself feeling for another human being more than I can bear.

I had thought myself to be self-centered and utterly obnoxious. Is it even possible for me to fall this deep and with such mindless self-deprecation? I cannot phantom the outcome of this folly.

It is beyond my control ...

How else shall I remind myself that I am alive?

How else can I comprehend such fool-hardiness?

It is beyond my control ...

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